My Mom Beverly has struggled her entire life with weight control issues. Even as a child she was often referred to as fat Bevy. As a result it did not take long for her to become extremely self conscious of her weight. She never wore a swimsuit, rarely would allow for her picture to be taken, did not eat fattening foods in public, etc… I will never forget going out as a child and someone making a rude or snide remark about my mom’s weight. She always would have the same reaction of pretending like she didn’t hear it or doing a fake laugh or giggle as to show it did not hurt or bother her. Trust me when I tell you, people can be down right cruel! However when we would return home she could barely hide back the tears until we reached the front door and then the emotions would overflow like a water fall. She was always on a diet or the latest “Fitness Fad fraud” gimmick in an effort to lose weight. I remember her wearing thick rubber gloves when handling fatty meats because she believed the fat could absorb through her skin. As a boy I was so perplexed at how such a warm hearted and beautiful person could feel so horrible about herself and her weight. I was as confused as she was and knew I never wanted to live my life like that. The sensitivity training I developed from the love I had and still have for my mom would turn out to be a very valuable gift later on in my life for my chosen occupation and career. I knew all to well what people went through who struggled with their weight. Unfortunately it did not stop outside the home, it was worse inside. Why? Because people with low self esteem tend to attract a certain kind of person in their life and in my mom’s case she hit the jackpot with my father. At any given moment he could and often would push what I call her fat buttons. It could be subtle as insinuating that she would never stick to a “new” diet or as cruel as a very derogatory name.

The operative word for my mom is struggle. She like many people from her generation struggled with their inability to achieve a normal or publicly acceptable weight. They were easy pray for marketers as they still are today. Will power has never had anything to do with success as most dieters would like to believe. For decades most people have and continue to use useless and bad technology. Plain and simply put, DIETS DON’T WORK! Along with sensitivity training I also have developed a gift for seeing beauty in most everyone I meet. However the sensitivity training I acquired, was as result of the fact that people were actually doing something about there situation, as opposed to nothing at all.

Today there is something very terrible going on in our society. Obesity is by far the single worst problem this country faces today. More than terrorism, the financial crisis, crime and anything else you can think of. It becomes more perpetuated when huge celebrities like Oprah suggest that you should accept being obese as if someone should accept being poor. The media isn’t much better by taking advantage of reality shows such as “Biggest Loser” and the over weight bachelor or bachelorette. Globally foreigners can spot an American by how fat they are. To me this is plain sad.

Did you know that when our parents received a physical in their early 20’s or 30’s they were classified into 1 of 3 categories, thin, average and overweight. In the 80’s the medical community added obese and today 2 more categories have been added severely obese and morbidly obese. What is next monumentally obese? This leads me to “Obese is the new thin”. The other day my fiance Brenda needed to run into Target to pick up a few things and I decided to wait in the car. I started watching people exit out the front doors and chose to count how many overweight deconditioned people were leaving the store before I saw a fit person. I lost count at about 2 dozen before a fit person walked out and it was Brenda. She is a person who chose to do something about her own weight issues. She very successfully has gone from a size 10 to a size 2 and remained that way for over 5 years (www.larrynorth.com and check out testimonials). Many people past and present have experienced a feeling of hopelessness regarding their weight issues. The feeling of hopelessness is the feeling that there is no solution to your problem. Today there is a solution. I know this to be a fact, I see and experience it first hand every single day of my life!

In an effort to help you address the potential problem with obesity I am going to provide you with a sarcastic satire of suggestions that will help you become obese at a much more rapid rate than you ever thought possible. It might only take you to follow one suggestion to accomplish this task or if you want guaranteed results follow all of them. If you wish to prevent obesity in your life and in your loved ones lives all you have to do is the opposite of what I’m suggesting.

1) Drink sugary sodas and lots of them. There are a whopping 10 teaspoons of sugar in a 12 oz can, so drink the 32 oz bottle every day and you will have close to 30 teaspoons of the all time number one fat nourishing ingredient called corn syrup. In fact drink as many high calorie beverages that you can get your hands on, from soda to juice, beer, high calorie coffee drinks, etc… Do this and you are on your way to obesity.

2) Fried food. Eat anything that’s fried and when you cook don’t bake broil or grill, FRY it, if possible deep fry it. Foods that are healthy for you such as chicken, fish and veggies throw in the fryer because why eat something that is good for you when you can grease it up. If you want to get real creative on your quest to obesity fry stuff that is already fattening like Oreos, Twinkies and ice cream. Special note; if you fry chicken keep the skin on because it is virtually all saturated fat.

3) DON’T EXERCISE! Keep all activity too a minimum. Always stand instead of walk, sit instead of stand and lye down instead of sit. Another useful tip is to drive endlessly in the parking lot to find a space closer to the door instead of parking further away to cause you to have to walk. Never take the stairs when there is an escalator or elevator close by. If you join a gym, game over.

4) Make all fast food establishments a staple in your diet. Always use coupons and discounts such as 2 whoppers for $4.00 and then eat both at one sitting. If you order a large French fry and a milk shake you will have consumer enough fat and sodium to last for 5 days. Why wait 5 days when you can accomplish this task in 1 meal? When ordering pizza delivery always orders fatty meats such as pepperoni and sausage with extra cheese. When you get a second pizza free or half price eat it first as an appetizer before you finish off the big brother pizza.

5) Eat till the wee hours of the night preferably foods that are salty, crunchy and sweet. Be creative and find foods that are all 3 in one. Ideally bring in as much processed junk food into the house as you can fit into your cupboards so it is there when you have the urge to splurge. Better to be prepared when that urge hits you.

6) Starve yourself!!! I know what you’re thinking. How can you ever reach the goal of obesity if you starve yourself? I’m not really meaning for you to “diet”, just miss breakfast, skip lunch and let your hunger slowly build to the point that you would eat your own arm if you could. Then when you get home you will literally rip the refrigerator door right off the refrigerator. When you starve yourself you will become so ravenous that you will literally become a bottomless pit. By now you should be way on your way to having a larger waist line than you ever thought possible. However order your cloths quickly on HSN or QVC because did you know that XXXXL and XXXL are the first sizes to run out?

7) Above all have a self defeating attitude. Tell yourself convincingly that you have tried everything known to mankind and nothing has ever worked for you and nothing ever will. Blame it on your parents or anyone else you can think of. Use works like NO and can’t freely when discussing the subject of health, wellness and vitality. The way to measure your success with obesity is if your habits have spilled over to your kids. The minute you see that they have followed the path of the person they look up to the most, you have arrived. The good news depending on how you look at it is it won’t take long!!!!!!

In all honesty I’m physically exhausted writing in such a sarcastic and negative style. I’m almost tempted to push delete and not send this because it is so not me. I love and care for people just like you and never in recorded history have I ever written such negative advice. The current state of affairs with this subject truly saddens me. Maybe this wasn’t the best approach to convey my message but currently I just am at a loss to get into some of your heads and am willing to try just about anything. I could have gone on and on and on but I just had to stop.

In closing my mom is beautiful and arrested her weight issues many years ago. There is hope out there but you must believe in yourself, the messenger and above all the message. I am here for you as is our entire wellness team. If anyone was offended by this article it wasn’t my intention and if you feel you fit into the obese or one of the other obese categories I will personally see to it that you receive priority treatment.

LOVE and PEACE,

Larry North